It came into the school unannounced and unguarded. It crept into the library and then throughout all of C-wing, before invading the main lobby where everyone hid for cover. It was no use; the slightly off-putting odor could not be stopped.

What caused such peril and terror for all of EHS was not clear at first. Some speculated that there was a gas leak. Others speculated that it was because of a ventilation problem. A few even opined that it was the rotting stench of the Redhawk, which is kept in the basement as a sacrifice to ensure the gods are on our side when we play CVU. In a time of hysteria and uncertainty, the school made a clear and concise announcement over the broken intercom explaining the issues at hand. 

“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.”

Despite this effort, pandemonium rang throughout the land. Staff members pleaded, begged, and yelled at students to get to safety. One student who strayed too far from the main lobby, unaware of the threat, was yelled at and publicly shamed by staff members and students alike for endangering their lives.

“This is so absurd,” the reckless, horrible, maniac of a student said. “It’s literally just the smell of PB B’laster, there wasn’t any danger to us at all. I was just walking through a hallway, and I got six hours of  detention, which is now called community call back, a place for tea and cookies. They said I had to be quarantined for contamination. That is beyond silly.” (We at The Hive apologize for anyone who is emotionally disturbed by such dangerous and inconsiderate rhetoric. The inclusion of this passage does not indicate our support for this insane daredevil.)

Although the facility was a safety hazard, teachers voluntarily decided to stay after being told they had to. A special forces unit, led by Director of Guidance Ben Skoglund, worked through appalling conditions to stop the spread. 

“There were times in which I didn’t know if I was going to make it,” Skoglund stated. “What kept us going when things looked bleak was the thought that all the kids at this school were counting on us to save them. We could not abandon them in their time of need.”

Thanks to this unit’s bravery, the source of contamination was found and sealed off. The school is safe once more, and everyone returned to the building. Well, except the Redhawk, that is.