Not what I Wished for

You said you wanted a relationship,

But in reality, you were lying.

You can’t have a relationship

And not have what comes with it.

I wish that things would change,

I wish that when I saw you in the hallway,

You would call my name

I wish that when we’re together,

You would hold my hand

Why is it that you can’t? 

Is there something I don’t understand?

I wish that you would call me

When you’re feeling down

I wish that when you’re tired

I’m the one you want to be around

I wish that you had time for me,

Time to see me more than twice a week,

But maybe I’m too clingy, maybe I’m too weak.

But sometimes I wish that when we do speak

I wish that you’d say why you’re with me,

What made you want to stay, 

The things about me that make you happy,

And why I make you feel this way.

For once, just once, I wish you would

Say something,

Say something,

Say something,

Say that you love me

Before I say it and you have to say it back

Because if you didn’t, I’d ask you what was wrong.

So I have to end it. 

As much as I know it will hurt,

And believe me, I wish it didn’t,

I can’t go on like this.

Love isn’t a one-way street.

I can only give as much as you give me back,

Or else, I inevitably tear myself apart.

And I know I’m hurting you, 

But I’m hurting myself more

And I knew it wouldn’t be long before

This moment came today,

When I told you I couldn’t stay

When I gave you all that pain 

I knew you couldn’t carry

I felt like all those moments were buried

I felt like I was letting you drown,

Like a paper house I built so high,

It felt so painful to see it come crashing down

And seeing you struggle hurts me too;

That’s why I didn’t want to hurt you,

And I wish I didn’t have to.

But in truth, it hurts me to the core,

This relationship was not what I wished for.